Where am I?

Where am I? I am not really sure. It was like am in a box/in a room where you can see nothing but darkness. Yes, am in darkness. Alone and in pain. All I want to do is see some light and get out of this darkness but what can I do? Am too scared to take a step and find ways to escape. All the pains that I kept to myself is making me weak now. How is my relationship with others? With my family, it is fine... Although they're doing everything, I feel like am alone. I can't even open up my problems to my father 'cause of the fear that he will not understand me and reprimand me instead. About my mother, she is really my "wonderwoman". All I wanted is to share some time with them. It's like they're too far from me 'cause they're too busy now. I miss the old days. I miss those  ery special moments that I had with them since I was a kid. About my friends? It's kinda shaky. I am now confused. I don't know who are the people that I should call "friends". Sad thing, I feel so alone. Simple wish? To build a stronger relationship with my friends but it seems like there's a wall between us and I can't even do a thing to break it. All I can do is cry.... During the past few months, am dreaming of having back a shoulder I can cry on, a person that I can call "my friend", a friend who's true, a friend who will not talk against you at your back, a friend whom I can share my feelings, a friend who will hold me tighter when s/he feels that am giving up and a friend that will make me realize how lucky I am and how loved I am. Sometimes, life seems to be very unfair and tough. All I want is to have "real" people around me, someone who can understand me and will never try to leave my side especially when I needed him/her most. Sad thing, am afraid to trust people again. I can't even offer someone the kind of thing that I have offered him/her before. Am afraid of many things.... Am afraid of being left behind, afraid of being betrayed, afraid of being alone again, and afraid of getting hurt... So now, where am I?